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Some tips to improve intimacy with your wife to enjoy stable marital life. Here is the first tip for you.
Marriages in the Muslim ummahtoday sadly seem to be accelerating towards a grave crisis. It is not that there aren’t other factors causing problems for a marriage from the start, but it is true that the particular ingredient that can make or break a marriage still remains to be the couple’s sexual relationship.
This goes especially for those Muslims who are extra conscious of observing the restrictions of hijabfrom the opposite gender before getting married, because they enter this union expecting it to fulfill their biological desires with extra pleasure thrown in as fruit of their meticulously lowering their gaze when they were unmarried singles.
For many couples, inexperience-based awkwardness in the beginning coupled with baseless and tenacious adherence to cultural norms, and over-prioritization of trivial matters leads to some rude awakenings regarding marital intimacy.
In order to prevent small problems at the beginning of their marriage from compounding over the years and pushing the spouses apart in bed, I want to point out a few things that they can do to prevent their own priorities from adversely affecting their sexual relationship.
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He parks the car in the driveway, his physical discomfort still bothering him.
He tried to avert his gaze and not look at the beach-bound girls walking along the road five minutes ago, but the damage is done.
As he walks into the house, reciting dua’s, he makes a silent prayer, “O Allah! Let me get lucky tonight.”
The tantalizing aroma of freshly cooked food, the clattering of kitchenware, and a din of voices greet him as he enters. It seems that his visiting aunt has cooked up another one of her specialties.
Since the weeks before his baby’s birth, a slew of relatives have been coming over to stay at the house for extended visits. It is a full house almost every night.
His wife is helping his mother, aunt and sister-in-law in the kitchen, the baby playing nearby in the bassinet. He tries to catch her eye, but she is too busy laying the table, and later on, clearing away the dishes and washing up.
Right after dinner, his father, uncle, and brother insist that he watch the game with them over tea. He gets up as soon as he notices his wife going upstairs, but they playfully pull him back down, ignoring his protests.
At almost 11 p.m, he sneaks upstairs quietly, but as soon as he enters the bedroom, his heart sinks.
Before she could even wash up and change, she has sunk into a deep sleep while breastfeeding the baby.
Learn to Sometimes Say “No”
For the young, newly married men in our ummah, it is not long after they tie the knot that they start being teased by their close family members if they give too much time and attention to their brides. Comments like, “You have totally forgotten about us,” are common.
The parents and siblings of the groom are primarily the ones monitoring and observing the couple’s activities from day one, mostly because the couple is living with them. They are usually the first to pipe up complains of how he has started ‘ignoring’ them since he got married.
After the first few months, they might begin to frown upon his date nights, complaining that his “honeymoon phase” is going on longer than necessary.
It is wise and advisable for the newly wed man to ignore such negative comments and use prudent and diplomatic words to explain to his family how he needs to take the time to focus on his marriage for a year or two.
Those unwary bridegrooms who are too afraid to face criticism from their parents, siblings and other relatives about this matter, end up sacrificing their privacy with their wives from the start of their marriage, in order to appease them.
This sends them a clear unspoken message that, ‘you come first, my sexual satisfaction comes second, even though I am married now’. It should come as no surprise then, if his relatives become the ones who dictate the amount and frequency of the exclusive time he spends with his wife behind closed doors.
Candidly speaking, a cowering and complacent new husband allows his parents and relatives to control the frequency and quality of the intimacy he enjoys with his wife.
And this is a recipe for marital disaster!
http://www.onislam.net/english/family/gender-issues/intimacy/476567-how-to-improve-intimate-relations.html
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